Sunday, October 9, 2011

Here I Go Again O.n My Own

Hey Daters! Long time no see. I took a hiatus, got a boyfriend, and since he was a BabyMan (of course i'm without fault here, what?) I'm back out there and loving it!

Well, tolerating it. Not so much on the loving it.

After a string of friend-setups (which I can sum up by saying that just because someone is single and has a vagine, and the other person is single and has a penisss, that doesn't mean they should be sent off to dinner together.)

Oh, friends. You mean well.

When i was married I had the same disease; thinking everyone single should be set up on a date. What I know now is that the coupling-induced urge to turn everyone else into a couple is well-intentioned but not always well thought-out.

So I buckled, and bought a month on Match.

It has been two days.

I actually got asked out by an adorable man (10 years older than me) the first day I was on, so after attending a fashion show I met him for a drink. He was cute, quirky, skinny (yipes!) and as the evening progressed I got the feeling he was a bit kooky, and perhaps a bit of a skinflint. Watching him chase down the receipt for our first round of drinks (so he could write it off) made me really uncomfortable! Anyhoo, we went to another bar, closer to my house (because I had already had sake that night and a 7 & 7 at the fashion show so i didn't need a drunken drive home), and talked about WHAT I DO NOT KNOW. What I do know is that he very gentlemanly-ly offered to walk me home, and then planted a big old smooch on me when i turned him down (I lived so damn close and who lets a total stranger walk them home???), which was fun.

HE'S THE OLDEST MAN I'VE EVER MADE OUT WITH.

Thursday, November 12, 2009

Match

About a month ago I canceled my Match.com account. It was good fodder for stories, sure, but after a week or two, that was pretty much it.

Being on Match made me look like I was available (duh) when I wasn't so much. I didn't have a lot of spare time or energy, so unless I was SUPER interested in someone - which rarely happened - emailing felt like an obligation. I was on a three day average response time, which I know isn't cool.

(Note: People who say they are on Match because they don't have the time to date, are lying. It takes a LOT of time to date on Match.)

And then there's the fact that I'm really just too nice. Being on Match made me feel BAD. I hated that I might hurt someone's feelings. On a daily basis I was contacted by men who were putting themselves out there and maybe one guy out of twelve was someone I might want to respond to. What was the kindest thing to do; respond with a polite "no thank you" or just no response at all? I tried both: My "no thanks" was mostly greeted with either the "come on, give me a try, you won't regret it" or "whatever, you're probably a bitch anyway". And the no response was a lousy choice as well. I couldn't win.

So, I said goodbye to Match. A month of my life and $34.99 later I knew it wasn't going to work for me. It absolutely and positively does work for some, just not this girl.

And probably not for this guy either. I didn't change his name because without it parts of the email don't make sense - and I use the word "sense" loosely. (He lives halfway across the country and will hopefully never come across this blog.) Also, I didn't do any edits. This is cut and pasted in it's entirety, all typos, grammatical errors, etc., are all left unaltered.

hi my name is henry... well i just wanted to see if we would have a one night stand? ohh before you disregard this let me tell you a tad bit bout my brownself. i work construction paper planes, orogami, paper ships, and fortune tellers. Its an alright profession considering im my own boss. Im known to be a jerk and rude but them jiggaboos had it coming... i mean why do gimps get the handycaps space. I have a few dui's nothing to major a few domestics. I mean i like my dinner to be done after a long day of work. you should see the paper cuts, then you would understand why i had to punch them in the ovaries. but other than that im a great guy.

lol jk just trying to meet some cool people to chat and get to know. my name is henry but they call me hershey or hersh. i do work construction which makes it hard to meet people cause im out of town most of the time. well tell me bout yourself. well hope to hear from you.

And I leave you with that, dear ones.

xoxo

Lulabelle

Tuesday, October 27, 2009

Julie McCoy, Cruise Director

Hi kids!

I was reprimanded the other day for shirking on my blogging duties. (I can't imagine the flack Veronica gets since she hasn't written in, like, 437 days or something like that! She is happily snuggling up on a regular basis with her eleventeen year old, though, so she gets some slack.)

Anyway, oddly enough, it was a guy who was on me for not writing more often these days. He said, "Us guys depend on you to steer us around in the dating world." And you know, he's got something there. I was expecting more women to follow us, but I've noticed a lot of our readers (at least the commentators) are guys. So guys, I sincerely apologize. If you can't count on me, who can you count on? I've been a lousy Captain and Cruise Director, but I promise from here on out to help you steer clear of the storms - or worst case, weather them.

Ladies - you too, of course, of course!

Love and kisses,

Lulabelle Jones, Cruise Director

Thursday, October 22, 2009

Uck

It's never fun having to tell someone that you aren't feeling a spark. But when it's someone really wonderful and you know, not just suspect, but actually KNOW that it is going to hurt them, there's very little that feels worse...

I just had to do this to a fabulous guy I really care about and it f'ing sucks and I feel horrible and sad and like I pretty much want to go and cry.

So there you go.

~ L

Wednesday, October 21, 2009

Question

Hello, Lovelies -

Sorry about the radio silence. I keep trying to write. I swear I do. But it seems like it's just really haaaaaard. I have plenty to write about, but when I sit down at my computer, it all just starts to swirl in my head and I can't put together two coherent sentences.

So, please hang tight. I promise to be effective soon enough....

In the meantime, I'd like to present the following question (which appeared in my inbox today) for discussion:

"Why do otherwise intelligent & intuitive women such as ourselves, date men that we've been warned about as being potential douchebags, by women that we trust? There's a pretty good chance that they're right and we know that you can't change a douchebag's douchebagness."

Have at it!

Talk soon...

xoxo

Lulabelle

Thursday, October 8, 2009

Ten Dating Dont's for the Guys

A date gone wrong isn't always a bad thing. I mean, if there were only good dates we'd have nothing to learn from, right? So, guys, consider this a little education.

1. If your date is supposed to be at your house at 7pm, do not be in the shower and unable to answer the door when she arrives. Leaving her standing on your porch in the rain wondering if she's even at the right house is not a good way to start the evening.

2. When you take your date on a tour of your pad, do not tell her how much you pay in rent. (If she seems like the kind of girl who would care, you shouldn't be on a date with her in the first place. There are better women out there.)

3. It doesn't matter how long you've known your date, if you haven't seen her in five years take your affection cues from her. If she's not overly touchy-feely right out of the gate, you shouldn't be either.

4. Inquire about your date's taste in movies before you start suggesting Science Fiction movies and/or movies based on comic books. She could like them fine, she might think they're great, or this just may get her wondering if she really does, in fact, find your geekiness endearing. You're better off keeping her as out of her head as possible, as long as possible.

5. Even if you believe your date feels the same way about them you do, do not slam any of her friends. This will make you look like an absolute ass.

6. If it is raining out and you have to pass the passenger side of the car anyway, open the car door for your date. You should do it even if it's not raining, of course, but if it's raining and you don't, you will lose points.

7. If telling a story involves physicality, remember that you are bigger than she is.

8. Do not continue asking throughout the course of the evening if your date is having fun. (This is part of that whole "keeping her out of her head" thing.)

9. Do not tell your date how much money you made last week/last month. (see #2)

And last but definitely not least...

10. If you are lucky enough to get a goodnight kiss, do not, I repeat, do NOT, jiggle your date's boobs.

You're welcome.

~ L

Sunday, October 4, 2009

Sunday, October 4th

Oh Diary...

No, no, no, no, no.

I now remember why Joe and I only go out once or twice every several years. Like episodes of Moonlighting where Cybil Shepard's close-ups were a tad blurred out leaving her flaw free and soft and pretty, my memory has done the same thing with Joe.

I am officially done recycling this one. Reality is, it has never just been timing keeping things from working out between us. It would take all my fingers and most of my toes to count the "Oh yeah..." moments I had last night.

Andy would be so proud.

Onward and upward I guess. Or at least forward!

xoxo

~ L